Russian Mafia Barber

Ok, so I am posting here now, that ought to confuse you all.

Got my hair cut on the weekend. I had been trying to grow it long, but I just don't have the patience to stuff around with long hair.

Why would I want long hair, I hear you ask.

Well two reasons really.

1. I had long hair when I was 16 and it seemed ok at the time. Mind you I spent so much time at the beach back then that it was permanently salt encrusted which made it easier to manage.

2. Males on Dad's side of the family traditionally go bald young. My granddad was balding, my dad is balding and my brother is balding. I inherited my hair from Mum's side of the family and so have never even had a hint of balding. So by growing my long I would be rubbing it in to my dad and brother (granddad won't care as I find dead people seldom give a stuff what the living are doing).

The problem is that as hair is on top of my head and I can't see it, I can't really be bothered spending much time on it. So for me, short is the best option.

Sunday I dropped into the barber's in the local shopping centre. This is an actual barbers shop and not one of those chain hair cutting places like Just Cuts.

I keep going back to this place for one simple reason. Not because they do a great job and I am really happy with them, I get my hair cut that short it is kind of irrelevant. Not because all the staff are female with big jugs, too much risk of turning your head at the wrong moment and getting scissors in the eye.

I go there because they don't even attempt to make small talk. They just sit you down and cut your hair.

The guy I had on Sunday was a classic example of the staff at this barbers. He is a big guy, couple of inches taller than me and probably carrying an extra 10kgs. Cheap, faded, dodgy tatt poking out from under his short sleeves and a blank, unemotional look on his face.

The guy only spoke to me three times to ask; what I wanted, to clarify one point and then to ask if it was short enough.

He didn't even ask me to tilt my head forward. If he wanted me to tilt forward then he continually whacked me in the back of the head until I did. When he wanted my head back up, then he slapped me in the forehead until I lifted it back up. There was no gentle but insistent pressure, he just whacked me till I moved.

You may think this seems a bit strange, but actually it makes complete sense. You see most of the staff at the barbers speak in a thick Russian accent, so clearly the shop is a money laundering scheme for the Russian Mafia.

Suffice to say, they don't get many complaints.