Revelations

I try to avoid discussing religion and politics here as all the discussion in the world isn't going to change my views and I couldn't give a damn about changing yours. But I am going to make an exception today and discuss religion.

I am an atheist. I am not undecided or just can't be bothered thinking about it. I have given it some thought and have come to the conclusion there is no God, or so I thought.

Last night I had a revelation. One that in fairness, I must admit that Lermontov had attempted, a couple times, to reveal to me.

That revelation was, that there is a God and he walks the earth in the form of:

SHANE KEITH WARNE

The revelation hit me like a lightening bolt. Just like it hits Jake when he "sees the light" in The Blues Brothers. I too would have gone cartwheeling down the aisle, but as I was sitting in the Dress Circle at the Athenaeum Theatre at the time, it would have been a nasty drop if I didn't pull up in time.

Just in case you hadn't worked it out yet, this life changing moment occurred during a performance of Shane Warne the Musical or as I now think of it, Church.

As the musical provides a chronological journey through the key points of Warnie's life, the biblical nature of his existence is clearly evident. Some examples:

• While there has been no suggestion Warnie was an immaculate conception, his Mum is pretty well known but you never hear about his Dad.
• The Indian bookie John clearly saw him as a prophet and paid $5,000 to hear his word.
• You have heard of the loaves and the fishes, well Warnie brought Baked Beans and Toasted Ham and Cheese sangers to the Sub-Continent.
• How about Moses and God burning a bush. Warnie has burnt a ton of bushes, tobacco bushes to be exact, after they had been harvested, processed and turning into ciggies.
• Jesus brought comfort to strangers, Warnie comforted plenty of strange women.
• Most religious leaders have wacky outfits, I give you Umpire, ODI and Twenty20 uniforms.
• 12 Apostles and 12 players in a cricket team, co-incidence?
• Jesus sacrificed his life for our sins, Warnie sacrificed the Captaincy for his sins.

So in this time of darkness, having just lost to the dirty 'boks at home and facing another lost to them on Tour, our thoughts turn to the impending Ashes. A plague of locusts, raining toads and 40 days/nights of rain (sound familiar Queenslanders) is but an inconvenience when compared with the horror of losing the Ashes.

Well fear not people, as Jesus rose from the dead, so to will Warnie awake from retirement to strike down the evil empire that is England and make Pietersen his bunny.

So people, rise up so that you can bow down again in the glory of Warnie.

I will leave you with one final piece of evidence of Warnies divinity. In the religious world much is made of miracles, but the evidence of a miracle is rarely conclusive. Well the following is video evidence of what can only be described as a divine miracle and one that Warnie performed on 708 test occassions and 293 ODI occassions.

Lermontov and Therbs a priesthood awaits in the Church of Warne, just got to get Pope Benaud to sign it off.

Praise the Warne!