Friday, April 17, 2009

A spoonful of evil

I enjoy being evil.

Not takeover the world type evil or commit genocide type evil, not even destroy another's life type evil.

It's more of an evil that effects others in small insideous ways.

An example would be when I am parked in a large busy carpark, I like to walk back to my car making it obvious I am leaving. Once I have a car following me I head up a lane about 2 lanes over from where I am parked. When level with my car, I cut through the 2 lanes of parked cars leaving the car following me with no chance of catching back up and taking my parking spot. Cue manically laughter the whole way out of the carpark.

Anyone else got any simple methods for me to express my evility?

22 comments:

  1. Walk into a store, for example a carpet place, and look at every type and ask if it comes in some obscure colour, when they finally find something in 'your' colour, tell them you don't like that colour and walk back out.

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  2. My dad had a good one when we were kids, he used to say that when the ice cream van came around playing it's jingles it meant they had sold out and had none left! I was 18 before I knew any different.

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  3. DD - Like it, but probably not random enough for me.

    Mr Stu - That is going in my little parenting book!

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  4. If you need to ask you're not obviously evil enough....

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  5. Dude, me too. LOVE doing that.

    Not letting tossers merge when there's a closed lane when they leave it to the last few metres to actually attempt when everyone else has done the right and considerate thing.

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  6. OH!, telemarketers. Let them do the WHOLE routine then go "No thanks" and hang up.

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  7. I'm not an evil person. There is one car park instance where I drove in on a Sunday, heaps of free spaces and I parked in one of the ones with a pram symbol. Some beardy tosser (probably a vegan) walked past saying "You shoudln't do that."
    "What?" says I
    "Park there. Its for people with kids."
    I pointedly looked up and down the nearly vacant car park, shook my head and walked to the back of the car. I then banged on the boot lid, saying loudly
    "Jayden! Don't drink the dog's water and give your sister her bottle in half an hour. I'll get you a musk stick if you don't whinge."
    Beardy Car Space Activist was initially curiuous but in the end walked away, proclaiming "Disgusting!"
    My retort - "At least I know where they are."

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  8. The thing with doing evil face to face with people..most of them have NO idea u just eviled them.

    They just look blankly at you.

    Stoopid dumb fucks/.

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  9. Re Mr Stu's thing - a dude I work with went to a 21st for one of his mates where his mum's speech explained the same ruse had been pulled on the birthday boy. When they were playing music, she told him they were out of ice cream. When he saw people wandering up and getting ice creams, she told him they'd pre-ordered. The guy had no idea until that day. For some reason he was quite dark about the whole thing, and probably breaks out in a stress rash whenever he hears Greensleeves.

    Therbs.. that's thoroughly evil. [*Applauds*]

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  10. "Once I have a car following me I head up a lane about 2 lanes over from where I am parked"

    Nods approvingly.

    Therbs.....damn that's funny. Wrong, but funny.

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  11. Moko has already given mine – keeping cold-callers going with their sales talk, then laughing and putting the phone down.

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  12. Chaz - True evil can always be improved.

    Moko - I don't think that's evil, that's a community service.

    Therbs - You are truely evil and brilliant in equal measures.

    Redhead - and hence the need to do evil things to 'em.

    Dr Y - I am definately trying that out on my little monster.

    Steve - I think Therbs may be my new hero.

    Simon - I know a bloke that says to telemarketers "hang on a minute" then walks away for about half an hour. The problem with that one is you can't see how long they actually wait for.

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  13. What do you know from evil? Nothing! What you "practice" is merely malicious fun. That is a far cry from Evil, young man. Take it from one who knows: evil involves the destruction of worlds; anything less is merely a prank.

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  14. And as for Therbs being one of one of your heroes, the line forms on the right.

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  15. Inviting those door knocking religious types in for a chat after making sure the sitting room is littered with hard core german pornography and Marylin Mason (insert latest music which is corrupting our youth) is loudly playing on the stereo the whole time.

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  16. A few more suggestions:

    Drive really slow in the ultra fast lane, while people behind you are going insane

    Use public toilets, and piss on the seat

    Walk around in the summertime saying 'How about this heat'

    Park in handicapped spaces while handicapped people make handicapped faces

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  17. Paul - No evil is when you are the victim, prank is when you perpertrated it and are explaining your reasoning to the cops.

    Barnesm - Again, less evil more a community service.

    Dr Yobbo - You're an asshole!

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  18. Naut, isn't it awful damn hard to explain it to the cops when feel as though you single-handedly tried to drink the Victoria Brewery dry?

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  19. Steve it is part of police training here to speak fluent drunk.

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  20. Here too....but that doesn't mean they let you get away with the "prank" (aside, of course, from the time the cops witnessed me attempting/failing to drive golf balls into a neighboring fraternity house....still wondering how I avoided getting cuffed).

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