Friday, February 20, 2009


I try to avoid discussing religion and politics here as all the discussion in the world isn't going to change my views and I couldn't give a damn about changing yours. But I am going to make an exception today and discuss religion.

I am an atheist. I am not undecided or just can't be bothered thinking about it. I have given it some thought and have come to the conclusion there is no God, or so I thought.

Last night I had a revelation. One that in fairness, I must admit that Lermontov had attempted, a couple times, to reveal to me.

That revelation was, that there is a God and he walks the earth in the form of:


The revelation hit me like a lightening bolt. Just like it hits Jake when he "sees the light" in The Blues Brothers. I too would have gone cartwheeling down the aisle, but as I was sitting in the Dress Circle at the Athenaeum Theatre at the time, it would have been a nasty drop if I didn't pull up in time.

Just in case you hadn't worked it out yet, this life changing moment occurred during a performance of Shane Warne the Musical or as I now think of it, Church.

As the musical provides a chronological journey through the key points of Warnie's life, the biblical nature of his existence is clearly evident. Some examples:

  • While there has been no suggestion Warnie was an immaculate conception, his Mum is pretty well known but you never hear about his Dad.
  • The Indian bookie John clearly saw him as a prophet and paid $5,000 to hear his word.
  • You have heard of the loaves and the fishes, well Warnie brought Baked Beans and Toasted Ham and Cheese sangers to the Sub-Continent.
  • How about Moses and God burning a bush. Warnie has burnt a ton of bushes, tobacco bushes to be exact, after they had been harvested, processed and turning into ciggies.
  • Jesus brought comfort to strangers, Warnie comforted plenty of strange women.
  • Most religious leaders have wacky outfits, I give you Umpire, ODI and Twenty20 uniforms.
  • 12 Apostles and 12 players in a cricket team, co-incidence?
  • Jesus sacrificed his life for our sins, Warnie sacrificed the Captaincy for his sins.

So in this time of darkness, having just lost to the dirty 'boks at home and facing another lost to them on Tour, our thoughts turn to the impending Ashes. A plague of locusts, raining toads and 40 days/nights of rain (sound familiar Queenslanders) is but an inconvenience when compared with the horror of losing the Ashes.

Well fear not people, as Jesus rose from the dead, so to will Warnie awake from retirement to strike down the evil empire that is England and make Pietersen his bunny.

So people, rise up so that you can bow down again in the glory of Warnie.

I will leave you with one final piece of evidence of Warnies divinity. In the religious world much is made of miracles, but the evidence of a miracle is rarely conclusive. Well the following is video evidence of what can only be described as a divine miracle and one that Warnie performed on 708 test occassions and 293 ODI occassions.

Lermontov and Therbs a priesthood awaits in the Church of Warne, just got to get Pope Benaud to sign it off.

Praise the Warne!


  1. Roflmao. Can't argue with the facts. At least you've got some proof of the non/existence of something now. Makes MUCH more sense. ;O)

  2. Exactly Moko, real facts based evidence.

  3. God fucking help us.oops sorry

    God Save our queen..yes, thatss it. OK.. alls cool now.

    fucking sspin bowlers are pussies I reckon.

  4. This is possibly the greatest post that I have ever seen on blogger!

    Allow me to offer you my congratulations on your Damascene Revelation. I am sure that you now know how Saul/Paul felt.

    As you have so clearly demonstrated, there is little doubt that Warney is the Prophet, Jesus, Vishnu and God knows what else all rolled into one. I expect, that in these troubled times, millions will look to Warne for sagacious advice. And as his Word is passed around the globe; we can expect another golden age of peace and prosperity.

    Whole nations will cast of their false prophets and bask in the Glory that is Shane - the One and the Only truly gloal belief system.

    Peace Be Upon Him

  5. So seriously, what are you guys on and where can I get some. Please?

  6. DD - if you watch a few brief seconds of that video above - you will feel exactly the same way - you will probably need a cold compress and some Beta Blockers handy to bestill your beating heart though.

    I have now watched that video about a dozen times this arvo - it only gets more gripping with each viewing. When will the world look on his type again?

  7. Um..still not getting it.

    At the risk of being lashed until someone works out I am enjoying it, it's cricket. Not rocket science.

  8. "it's cricket. Not rocket science"

    I guess that is the point - thousands of rocket scientists, only one man capable of bowling the Ball of the Century.

    Don't try and resist the Way of Warne; instead, embrace it - you will feel enriched!

  9. Oh dear you get taken apart by the South Africans and then get delirious about some has been who is no good to anybody any more.

    As far as a god.....HA!

    I can't bring myself to watch the video in case it brings back any bad memories.

  10. Oh, it will Stu. It will. I don't think we have a vid highlights package of you lot getting bowled out for 52 by the Windies though. (The same Windies who were desperately useless out here in NZ and were only, repeatedly, saved by crap weather)

    Rocket science requires the following: large tube, explosives, match. If rocket science was Godly, Havock would be our Lord and Saviour. Where is the evidence that Jesus knew anything of rocket science? He knew basic carpentry and bulk catering. Ergo, anything that is not rocket science is the way of Jesus. Cricket is not rocket science. Cricket is the way of Jesus. Therefore Warne is Jesus. Furthermore I am in need of another Becks. And I don't mean the washed up clown who plays for Milan.

  11. Havock - Been bowled around the legs a few times, eh?

    Lerm - It feels good to bask in his warm, pudgy embrace. Join me in awaiting his second coming at the 2009 Ashes.

    DD - I pity the Heathens as you are bound for Hell (which looks remarkedly like India, Warnie never did enjoy touring there).

    Mr Stu - I fear you and your people will be the subject of the first Crusade in the name Warne.

    Dr Yobbo - Welcome to the fold, you are a shining light on an island of Heathens and we are with you in the spirit of Warne. Havock as our Lord and Saviour, aarrrrgggghhhh (shudders)!

  12. The ball changed direction!!! That's witch craft that is... burn him burn him.. oh sorry his missus, the british tabloids and sponsors have already done that.

  13. Right. That's it. No more sugar. For ANYONE!

  14. Uamada, not witchcraft, devine intervention.

    DD - Aw, but Mum! Actually I OD'd on chocolate yesterday, it was good.

    Doanli - I suppose if you falsely believe in any of the other gods then Warnie is the anti-christ. But then you will be judged at the great clubroom door in the sky like the rest of us.

  15. In a not unrelated incident Doanli posted about a flare up of Fibromyalgia over the weekend.

    So D, for your own sake - please be careful of what you say about the Great Man. It seems that he works very quickly these days.

    Praise be to Warne.

  16. I am assuming this is as foreign to us Americans as a video clip of Scott Stevens leveling an opponent: (hits 3, 2 and 1 resulted in the Devils 1st, 3rd and 2nd Stanley Cup championships, respectively)

    Or saves by Martin Brodeur: (#1 is only ranked that high because the announcer is French....jeux no see, INCREABLAYYYY!!!)

    Would be to you Aussies

  17. At least I got a great haircut, Lermie. Maybe your last barber is Shane Warne's (may 100 proof peroxide be upon him) favorite stylist?

    But then again, your faux blonde god doesn't look like he knows much about style anyway. (Unlike our Derek Jeter, Tiger Woods, or Tom Brady)

  18. Steve - I like to think the glory of Warne melts international boundries.

    Doanli - Warnie has a style all of his own. Clearly you never saw the footage of him dancing on the balcony with the stump after the Ashes win.

  19. That was some nice work by that Stevens character!

  20. Lerm, what's funny is, hit #10 was against a man (Ken Daneyko) who would later be a teammate and a close friend when Stevens joined the Devils in the early 1990's (that hit was when he played for Washington). He wasn't a goon....he was a fucking artist (and every one of those was only becomes illegal when you raise an elbow. He placed for 20 years and received less than 5 elbowing penalties).

    Naut, by "stump," do you mean his tallywhacker?